I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
