They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
third nipple confirmed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
