Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
