He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
