my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize