The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
