She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
