She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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