margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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