Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
