oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
