I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
