I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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