I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The Olympian is in my bed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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