yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
