I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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