I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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