he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
