I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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