I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
