Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
