i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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