I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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