i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
