And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
