Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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