if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
