He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
