I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
