She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
