I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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