it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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