it wasn't lemon gatorade
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
