Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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