video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
