I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
