I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
