My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
