im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
