If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
