Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize