I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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