After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
