two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
