There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
MIDGETS
????
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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