No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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