its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
