no, he came in my armpit
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
