i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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