Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
