I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize