capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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