dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
