The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
