DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
