WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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