Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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