Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
