so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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