You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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