I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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