Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
