the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
