Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
4 words: hood of his car
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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