It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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